So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
