My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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