i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
