I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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