If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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