I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
