Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
