I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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