I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
