I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
