I'm going to jail i love you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
