i was rollin on her like bob the builder
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
