I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
