My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
