BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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