My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
