i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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