his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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