I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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