I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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