i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
