As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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