i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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