I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
