Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
