Screwed.edu
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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