He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
