I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
