Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
