Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
