Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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