yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
