Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
