he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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