You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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