It's like a parade of train wrecks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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