hotel room ftw
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
