it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
