i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
