You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
