I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
