That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
