Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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