You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
