it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
