Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
