hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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