lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
