is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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