If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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