I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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