Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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