xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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