Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
