he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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