i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
