The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
