be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
