here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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