I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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