If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
