just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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