I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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