woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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