Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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