she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
