the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
