So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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