You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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