Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
