Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
