i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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