69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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