My room smells like vodka and shame
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
