Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
