I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
