I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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