She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
